Looking back on the things I've done,
I was trying to be someone.
The past few days further opened my eyes to this world.
It's common practice to say you gonna be there for someone 24/7. But when the going gets tough, and when everything falls down, no one give a shit about you most of the time. Makes me wonder why I ever did whatever I did in the past to cheer people up, to be there for everyone, and to just help in every way I could. And look at the shit I get now. I'm blamed for everything there is to be blamed for, and I'm even blamed for being how I am to everyone else. For being nice to someone, I either get gossisp, or I get taken for granted. I get ignored and I get reprimanded. So what does everyone want? Fine if you're a stranger, I wouldn't have given a shit. But if you're someone I'm especially close to and you know I treat you like a brother or a sister, please oh please. I'd gladly get out of your life if you'd rather push all the blame to me when I'm in the dumps, for doing a disappearing act, for making me wait like a fool for half a day for just a single reply in msn or through sms, and all that when all I did was just trying to be nice.
So if you hate me or something, if you just want to see me die a horrible death, if you just want to make my life a living hell, well yeah. Tell me in the face. You can screw yourself for all I care after that.
I hate it. I just hate it when everything I do for a particular someone ends up with me being taken for granted, or just simply ignored. But no point in blaming others now. I've given it much thought during lunch time today. Maybe you're right. Maybe the problem lies with me. Maybe, just maybe, I'm really should get knocked down by a car.
You don't know how much hurt I took. It wasn't shown through my tone. But rip my body apart and you can see how chewed up my insides are. When everything I confided in you were just noise to your ears, when I never was under your catergory of friends.
People I once looked up to. People I trust my problems with. People I care so much for. People I'd do anything for. But hey, my being there's just a service free of charge, isn't it?
Makes me see who really are there when I need them. Not much, it's less than the fingers on one hand.
Oh yes, what a post. Right at YOU. Go ahead, add that to the list under things you hate me for. But hey, what a blow you've dealt me.
I was trying to be someone.
The past few days further opened my eyes to this world.
It's common practice to say you gonna be there for someone 24/7. But when the going gets tough, and when everything falls down, no one give a shit about you most of the time. Makes me wonder why I ever did whatever I did in the past to cheer people up, to be there for everyone, and to just help in every way I could. And look at the shit I get now. I'm blamed for everything there is to be blamed for, and I'm even blamed for being how I am to everyone else. For being nice to someone, I either get gossisp, or I get taken for granted. I get ignored and I get reprimanded. So what does everyone want? Fine if you're a stranger, I wouldn't have given a shit. But if you're someone I'm especially close to and you know I treat you like a brother or a sister, please oh please. I'd gladly get out of your life if you'd rather push all the blame to me when I'm in the dumps, for doing a disappearing act, for making me wait like a fool for half a day for just a single reply in msn or through sms, and all that when all I did was just trying to be nice.
So if you hate me or something, if you just want to see me die a horrible death, if you just want to make my life a living hell, well yeah. Tell me in the face. You can screw yourself for all I care after that.
I hate it. I just hate it when everything I do for a particular someone ends up with me being taken for granted, or just simply ignored. But no point in blaming others now. I've given it much thought during lunch time today. Maybe you're right. Maybe the problem lies with me. Maybe, just maybe, I'm really should get knocked down by a car.
You don't know how much hurt I took. It wasn't shown through my tone. But rip my body apart and you can see how chewed up my insides are. When everything I confided in you were just noise to your ears, when I never was under your catergory of friends.
People I once looked up to. People I trust my problems with. People I care so much for. People I'd do anything for. But hey, my being there's just a service free of charge, isn't it?
Makes me see who really are there when I need them. Not much, it's less than the fingers on one hand.
Oh yes, what a post. Right at YOU. Go ahead, add that to the list under things you hate me for. But hey, what a blow you've dealt me.
posted by cigarettelove @ 2:01 AM
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